Is the needful really necessary?

"I have sent you an email. Read it and do the needful."

It's a usage that anyone who has ever worked in an office in India is probably aware of. "The needful" is one of the more notorious relics that haunt Indian English today. Taken literally, it means "that which is needed". But there's more to it than that. It has the property of making you feel both helpless and annoyed at the same time - helpless because you can't figure out what it is you're meant to do, and annoyed at the condescending tone of the speaker.

In its defence, "do the needful" is a victim of its own good intentions. Used as early as the 18th century in England, it implies respect and trust towards the listener by expecting him¹ to understand what the speaker has in mind without actually spelling it out. The problem with this is that it leaves the listener free to decide what the speaker intended, which can, as time has proven, lead to bad things.

While most native speakers have outgrown the phrase, India hasn't, which results in its being labelled an 'Indian-ism' and often ridiculed. To be honest, "do the needful" sounds like something out of a bad martial arts movie where the aging master lies bleeding and (between gasps) says to the favoured apprentice, "You must not let the enemy destroy what we have been fighting for. You must be strong, and avenge my death. You must... do the needful" before finally collapsing to the ground.

Now that's an occasion that calls for the phrase. Contrast this with the more mundane uses it is usually put to:

"The printer tray has been refilled with paper. Please do the needful" (i.e. "Switch the printer on")

"The government should listen to the common man's plea and do the needful" ("Reduce taxes", maybe)

or this post from an actual forum: "Attached below is the set of questions. Kindly do the needful." ("Answer the questions")

As you can see, it's not always easy to guess what "the needful" might mean. Besides sounding rather awkward and pretentious, this seemingly harmless phrase can create a lot of confusion when used for something important.

Okay, we get it. Just tell us what to use instead!

I understand that there may be a legitimate need for the phrase. For example, when you don't know exactly what needs to be done but you have to instruct someone to do it, "the needful" could be a simple solution:

"My computer's broken. Please do the needful."

Even so, being a little less formal is a good idea. You could use one of these instead:

"My computer's broken. Please look into this."

"Please take care of it."

"Please do what needs to be done." (this still sounds a little pretentious)

or maybe just "Fix it".

But as far as possible, if you know what you want the listener to do, just spell it out. Save yourself the embarrassment of having to explain what you really meant by stating it explicitly the first time. Quit hiding behind "the needful". The next time you want a sandwich, say "Make me a sandwich".

1: Him or her. I prefer to say 'him' because using 'her' to denote both genders sounds weird. Call me sexist.